A Sonnet

Fill this cup with taste so sweet and pure,

To drink this wine so warm would be divine.

Throughout the years I've learned it's not the cure,

But if God wills please fill this cup of mine.

So lost, now found I know not where I stand.

The darkness overshadowed my delight.

Absence of love I may not understand,

But what it did was strengthen my own might.

The fight, the kiss, the love: the perfect art.

Two lovers without timing have yet to love.

Yet after cruel death's glare upon my heart,

I dare not take my eyes from Thee above.

But where tis love is truly made complete,

Shall not be known until we finally meet.

What if I lived my life according to my name?

My name is David Albert.

As my first name comes before my middle so first and foremost I am “beloved” by God who continuously shows me His abounding grace and love.

Out of that love comes forth my very being and purpose as explained in my middle name. I am to be “noble,” possessing an exalted moral character in order that I may be “bright,” radiating the light of Christ to others.

Therefore because of the love of God, I develop my character in Christ for the benefit of sharing this faith with others through the leading of the Holy Spirit.

dark night

So my life has been jammed pack with different events here and there... and I'm ready for a night just to do nothing. I haven't had one of those in a long time. And I need those nights for sanity. People definitely give me energy but too much "doing" drains me... and I'm in need of just a little sanity, eh?

This summer has been interesting for me and that's probably the reason I haven't blogged much. When times are hard, I tend to keep every deep and intimate detail to myself... which means no blogging. There's something inside of me that never wants my full identity to come out online... and I don't think that's a bad thing. Censorship can save lives.

I've met alot of new people at seminary recently and it has re-inspired me to question why I love what I am doing here so much. Sometimes I feel as though I am a debbie downer because I talk about how hard seminary can be. But I'm only offering what I know. I almost didn't come back this semester... but regardless of how much I resisted, it would have taken alot more for me not to come back.

My faith is truly strong right now. I won't lie, I question whether or not I'm in a "dark night of the soul" which I am OK with. If God is providentially turning his back on me, then that is what needs to happen. But I do long for the day when I feel his overwhelming presence. I don't know if I've really felt that for awhile.

Nothing special

This post hasn't been inspired by anything, but I just wanted to write. Tonight was a really fun night. Nothing what I expected seeing as it ended with karaoke-ing (which I haven't done for a LONG time...)

But today has been just a really good day. Had a long phone call with someone who I haven't gotten to talk to in awhile, created a new piece of art... actually TWO pieces of art, a good friend came back into town, and my neighbors brought me food!

I went through old pictures today and it blows my mind how much things have changed since my first year of college... sometimes I miss the naivete of it all... But I'm glad for where I am now and what I am doing. God has some sort of purpose in it all.

The Duck

I was sitting by the river this evening talking to God, trying to hold back the tears. I don't understand alot right now and I'm not OK with that. Being 22 has pretty much sucked. When I look back at my year, I see alot of suffering and redemption... I've worked through alot of things.

As I was talking to God, I noticed this duck paddling upstream. It was coming to a waterfall and I figured it would soon realize it wasn't strong enough to walk up the rocks with water flowing down and would turn around. To my surprise, it walked up those rocks like it was nothing. I actually exclaimed, "What?!" and just continued to watch it paddle upstream against the strong current.

That duck restored my hope that I don't have to follow the stream. I don't have to follow that path. I am able to walk against the norm. And while it seems scary because I feel like my path is in "full-stream ahead" mode, I know that God has granted me the ability and gifts to change it.

Prayer

I've never felt as supported by friends and family than I have right now... and it's not just support from them, but rather their petition to God for his will to be done in my life. And that's the greatest support that exists! Knowing that there is so much prayer surrounding my life and that God listens to and answers the prayers of his people, I am confident in whatever God has in store. I don't know what He will bring my way, but I am trusting in his sovereignty. And that's refreshing.

Tears

I don't know what exactly I'm about to write because this is coming from the heart...

I've learned to embrace that I am a crier. Those years of being made fun of for being a "sensitive" guy make it so worth being able to truly feel things in life. Whether it's an inspiring story, dance, or song, listening to someone's hardships and struggles, or even thinking about both the glory and the woes of life, I can tear up. And I embrace it. Sometimes I don't have the words to express what I want to say and so I cry. Sometimes my prayers fall into God's heart through my tears. Sometimes it's my wrath and misunderstanding. Sometimes I cry out of fear. Sometimes out of hurt. And sometimes out of being so overwhelmed by who God is. As I'm writing this I feel that all-too-familiar buildup of tears. This past year has been one of the most redemptive. I've done alot of bad in my life and I've been the survivor of alot of bad from other people. And that's OK. Without that bad, I would never know how good the Good is. I've spent years beating myself up for things I couldn't forgive myself for, but I've learned to rest in God's arms. Without him I don't know how I would be here. I don't have all things figured out. I keep feeling like I have so much else to learn. But I know the power of God and his love and resurrection. And for that I don't regret any hurt I've caused or received. Because God's redemptive power is only apparent through the suffering.